Happy, Sad and Somewhere Inbetween

(Right after posting this, I went back and read my last post. Funny how easy it is to go up and down and back and forth....)

I'm still in limbo. 12 years of "life" under my belt since high school (I know, not long in the grand scheme of things, so if you have more than that, feel free to laugh at me), 1 year of travel, 1 year of work, 5 years of university and 5 years of trying to figure out what the hell comes after that. I have a great husband, a great little house (well, depending on which state of renovation it's in at any given moment), great family, great friends, a great church and a great God. Life should be great...? So why do I feel so discontent with the day-to-day process of life?

It boils down to one "tiny" little thorn in my side...but yet something that affects most moments of the majority of most days. My JOB. I feel like I've spent the last 12 years in jobs that are just to "get me by" until a "real" job comes along. Jobs that often don't pay enough to keep life from being stressful in the finance category. Jobs that require me to have other jobs to keep ends meeting, even if just barely. At the end of the day, all I want is to have ONE job. Just ONE at at a time. I am tired of having my hands in so many pots, I feel like a juggling act.

Last year I took a "break" from teaching, focused on my piano lessons and subbed a little bit. It took the stress off to really only have one job. But ends did NOT meet, and now I'm paying for it by being back to the FOUR job routine.

Why don't I just go get a teaching job, you ask? Why not? That is a very good question. I'm trying. And I'm so ready to give up. We've been here for four years, Aaron is in his fifth year of teaching at this school. That means I've been subbing (and contract teaching here and there) in the division for four years. For the first three, I would apply for jobs as they came up, usually got an interview, but there was always someone from the community who was just finishing university, or someone's niece or third cousin twice removed that needed a job. Fine, I understand. It's frustrating, and not entirely fair, but I guess that's how a small, cliquey town like this works. That was for the first three years.

This is year four. I applied this year and got NOTHING. Not even one interview. That worries me. There were some other situations where strings could have been pulled for me, that have been pulled several times in the past years for other people, even to get an interview...but nothing. I don't understand. Clearly SOMETHING is going on. The question is "what?" And going about getting the answer is where I feel stuck.

Is this just small town people doing what they do? Am I "stale dated" as far as the hiring people are concerned? Did I say something to make someone mad? Have I done something that makes me a liability for the school division?...................Is this God? If it is any of these reasons, except the last, I feel some need to find the answer...to get a reason "why." But if it IS God, and this is His way of telling me something, teaching me something, it seems it would be somewhat...rebellious (for lack of a better term) to push to find human answers.

So do I push, or do I relax, and see what God might be trying to teach me, or where He might be trying to lead me? I guess after all that typing, the answer seems kind of obvious. But that doesn't make it easy.

Sum-Sum-Summer...

Here I am, delinquent again...I should really just stop making promises...then I can't break them or disappoint myself (or any of my loyal fans, haha)

Today is HOT. It hasn't been this hot in a few weeks, and I LOVE it! Just a lazy summer day, which I luckily had off from work. Nothing irritates me more than hearing people complain about the heat during the summers here. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!?! We get anywhere from 6-9 months of COLD weather here, and you are COMPLAINING about being hot? Seriously. Ok....rant over...I resolve to enjoy every warm day we have in one way or another. Today, I enjoyed the warm breeze coming in through Norm and Stacey's living room windows as we all relaxed on the couches after eating a delicious brunch of pancakes, eggs (gotta remember to ask her how she made them), yogurt and fruit salad. Tomorrow I will enjoy the warm day by going to a hot dog roast at friend's house after work...even though I have to work late.

Speaking of working...NEW JOB, YAY! It's at a bank branch here in town, casual hours to start....but it's something that pays more than minimum, and I'm happy. Partially, I'm happy because it's a job I finally GOT, and partially because it reminded me that God is still working and taking care of us. Back in July, a bunch of our friends had a prayer meeting for us...in my mind, it was for specific, tangible things. A job for me, movement with the renovations, and one more personal item. I was annoyed a little bit (oh, the humility it takes to say this) that people were praying for things like patience, peace, wisdom, strength, etc....I kept thinking "Stop praying for those things...pray for a JOB and CONCRETE." But as the next few weeks went by, and especially in the last 2 weeks, I have realized how much I needed those prayers and how much God used them to work in my heart. I was very frustrated with my job situation, beyond words, anyways. I just wanted what I WANTED...and I was sick of hearing no. Before this job at the bank even came up, I suddenly found myself in a place where I was open to anything. Where I was able to admit that maybe a teaching job for me in this town is just NOT going to be a reality, and though I know what the reasons probably are, and they make me kind of upset, in the end, I was suddenly ok with that.

I have to admit that I've had more of a problem being patient with the other two issues that were prayed for....but seeing how God changed my heart simply through the prayers of my friends, while I was being a stubborn little pain, has reminded me of how much I DON'T know of what He has in store for me....and how He WILL take care of the details...when I stop worrying and TRUST.

Fur Babies

Ok, ok...my absence has been pointed out by several people. Time to get back to it. What have I been up to? I don't know. But I've been busy. Between friends in crisis and a couple crises of my own, blogging just hasn't happened. So, starting with today.

Well, yesterday, to be exact. The title of this post is "Fur Babies," so as you can guess, we expanded our fur family by more than 1. We came home from our camping weekend with 2 tiny kittens. We picked them up from our friends who live on an acreage that was on the way home from the campsite. We had been to their house for dinner last Sunday, and as soon as we saw the kittens on their porch, I think I KNEW we were going to have one. But THEN I saw them all (5 in the litter) playing together, and thought 2 would be better....for some reason...Anyways. Yesterday, Sully and Pepita came to live at our house. Sully (short for Sullivan) is grey with white on his neck and paws...and on his bum. Pepita (Spanish for "nugget") is the runt of the litter, a tiny little calico....well,...nugget. She's sitting on my lap right now trying to play with my fingers while I type...Sully is crying after Aaron...got left on the couch when Aaron went to get a snack. How sad.

Suki is taking it as well as can be expected, I guess. She hisses and growls whenever they get within 5 feet of her. Oh, well. She'll get over it, I hope. That's the only deal breaker. If she turns nasty or starts peeing everywhere, the kittens will have to go back. And that will be sad. We've tried to keep some of her routines the same...she still sleeps with us, the kittens sleep in a kennel in the living room which is closed off from the rest of the house. She still gets to come in the bathroom and sit on the back of the toilet when either of us have a shower (I don't get this one, but she REALLY insists on being there...), and I try to keep her food dish as HER food dish...her space.

I'm a little nervous about having 3 cats in a small space like we're living in now, amid the renovations...so hopefully the basement will at least be livable by the time the babies get to be too big. Until then, we'll be a cozy, happy little family.

We'll see how this adventure turns out.

Fun at "Home"

I haven't been "home" since Christmas. Haven't seen my two sweet nephews since then, either. We got here at about 4pm on Friday and spent the evening chatting with mom and dad and ended off the evening watching a TV movie about an Amish girl on trial for murdering her newborn infant. It starred one of my favourites, Mariska Hargitay, as the lawyer hired to defend the girl. Amish culture has fascinated me in recent years, so I really enjoyed watching the movie.

Today, we lazed away most of the morning, and then headed out to my sister's place, "the farm," to visit her and the boys (and Andrew, but he was working most of the day...). We spent the afternoon playing all sorts of games with Austen, watching Braeden's latest feats (and all the drool and snot coming out of his face...;) ). Austen LOVED playing with Aaron and was constantly giving him LONG hugs...then saying "Thank you, Aaron." Then another hug, another thank you, so on and so forth. We all went outside to try and fly the new kite the boys got for Easter. Sadly for Aaron (the principal kite flyer), the wind was faint and not very consistent. Oh, well. We tried.

2 more days here...can't wait for more fun!

Seriously.

New Blog....

Most people who read this already know Jonny...I think. If you don't, he's an amazing writer of many profound, yet simple, thoughts. He writes amazing devotionals which I hope he will one day publish in book form. He's got a new blog, and I think you should make a habit of reading it.

Check out my other link-ups, too...

Wish I Were Here, written by Jim Thomsen...writer extraordinaire. He works words like an artist works his brush. Usually funny, always interesting.

Aaron the Groove Guru, written by my dear husband. Mostly reviews of CD's he's listening to, with the odd tidbit of his thoughts on other issues, like God and Christianity, money, life direction, etc.

Ambercita, written by former (I won't say old ;) ) college friend, Amber. Amber is living with her husband and 2 kids in Guatemala right now, where she and Zaak are working with a mission organization there. Little tidbits of her life as a wife, mom, and all-round "wish I lived closer and knew her better" person.

My Next Five Things, written by me. Part of a network of people who are setting 5 semi-small goals at a time, to keep life moving forward. So far, mine have been tantalizing, seat gripping tidbits like "clean the ceiling fans" and "get a library card." Links to the other "Next Five-ers" can be found on this blog.

Zaakistan, written by Zaak. Zaak, husband of Amber, has had his Zaakistan blog for longer than I can remember, I think. I enjoy his mix of personal experiences (varied as they are...cycling across Canada, canoing the Mackenzie River, accomplishing his long list of things to do during his life) and his thoughts about various things, deep and not so deep.

Canada Coast to Coast, written by Eric and Rachel, friends who lived in our town for a whole year. We wished they had stayed longer, but the call of the road beckoned, and now we get to read about all of their adventures, backpacking around Vancouver Island and the Queen Charlotte's, as well as their school bus/eco friendly RV conversion currently taking place in Manitoba.

Roxy's World, written by, well, Roxy. Roxy's blog makes me feel at home. I like reading it, but I sometimes wish she'd write more often...nudge, nudge.

Our Happily Ever After, written by my cousin Jeremy's wife, Annie. All of their adventures exploring their semi-new location on Vancouver Island. Annie NEEDS AN UPDATE, but when I last talked to her, she had so much catching up to do already, and now the two of them are off in the Philippines on a mission trip. Anyways, back reading is interesting on her blog. Oh, the adventures and misadventures they manage to get themselves into!

Butterneck Toad, written by my friend Reese. Reese lives with her fiancee (wedding in April, yay!), dog, 3 cats, hamster and pet skunk (did I miss anyone?). Former title of this blog was "Of Course It's Random, It's My Brain!" That about sums it up! My favorite post to date is the one where her travel pillow melts in the back car window, and explodes when she tries to take it out of the car into the airport. The description of the travels of those little tiny beads is TOO FUNNY.



So, there you have it....description of all my links. Check them out...

All I can do is shake my head....

I sent my resume to the other email address last night. This morning, there was ANOTHER "Out of office AUTOREPLY" message in my inbox. I don't know why, but I find this ironically humorous somehow.